I thought today was a good day to make my last post. To say definitely goodbye to this blog.
Today’s 1/20/2013. Exactly one year ago, the 1/20/2012, I attempted suicide for the first time. I remember it well. It was a friday. I was so hopeless, so tired and hurted. I swallowed 17 aspirines. The following day, I woke up puking, dizzing and I couldn’t hear almost anything.
I can’t say I “regret” it, to be honest. Because in that situation, I thought I wasn’t going any better, I thought my fate was just die. I would like to “go back to the past”, and tell myself that, in fact, there’s hope. That it really gets better.
I asked for help one week after that suicide attempt. I started going to a psychologist, I started taking antidepressants and that stuff.
I thought that taking pills and telling my family the truth was going to solve everthing. But if you really want to get better, you have to work for it.
For me, the most important step was taking music serious. I started thinking about music like a destiny, not only like an escape.
The second important step was making changes. I stoped posting in this blog. I changed to another high school. I started going out more frecuently. I started studying music harder.
Pills didn’t solve anything really. I’ve been trough very hard times this year. I relapsed, I’m not gonna lie. I still think about my weight, but now is less obssesing.
I’ve make new friends and, altough I still have lots of things and personal problems to solve, I’m so much better now. Now I don’t think about suicide, really. I can’t say I’m happy. I wasn’t either before I got depression.
What I wanna say is that there is hope. I know what you’re thinking, there’s hope for anybody else but me. I also thought that. I thought that everyone here in Tumblr was beautiful, deserve to be happy and should ask for help. Everyone, except me. But it’s not. You can get thought this too. Depression is not what you are. Is something that is happening to you. It’s hard, it hurts and most of the time you can’t see an exit. But I do think that you can win this battle.
Well, I told it, this is a goodbye. I won’t “close” this Tumblr, because I might want to look at this in the future. But I sure won’t post anything.
I really hope you all get better, and win the depression. I’m sure you can. I love you, and even if you don’t know it, there’s someone who lives because of you.
Love xxx
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